Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Playlist 8

Did I tell you about my Bombay trip? Of course, I didn’t. But, I have been eagerly waiting to.

And here it is.

Bombay was my gift to myself, as I turned 24 this month. I made sure my first weekend as a 24 year old was a stellar one.

At 3:00 pm, on my birthday, I left my house with my bag pack for Bombay. The moment I stepped out and took an auto for the metro station, it began. I moved at a pace so relaxed, it almost felt like I am wearing a beach hat and commuting across Delhi, sipping on a Margarita. As I came up from the metro station towards the New Delhi railway station, I saw the sky and how it was blanketed with black clouds. The rains were here to officially kick start, what I like to call, the good life.

The New Delhi railway station was oddly empty on a Friday afternoon. I strolled across the foot over bridge, looking at a city I have called my own for years now. I was amazed at this feeling of belonging, which had come back to me after a long time. Here, I was ready to escape it and just when I was leaving, I allowed myself to see the beauty, I have known, but chosen to forget. Maybe, we do well when distant, Delhi.

I reached my platform and walked till my coach. My coach was parked under a tunnel and I could not be any more thrilled about it. I perched myself on my side lower seat. The bedding arrived and by 5:30, I was nice and cozy in my bed for the next 12 hours, ready to read and sleep.

Oh dear. I slept and slept. What did I tell you? The good life was back.

I woke up the next morning to the ghats. And then, came Borivali. The locals whizzed past. I could not stop smiling. Fuck yes. This was happening.

I got down at Bombay central. At this point, I have to reiterate and give a special mention to my pace, throughout this trip. Relaxed is a pace and I was acing it. I walked from the platform I arrived at to the platforms for the local trains. I bought my 10 rupee ticket, hopped onto a local which was pretty empty since it was a Saturday, got my window seat and sat at an angle which gave me a 180 degree view of everything around me. I was in awe of the city. I was still a newbie who wanted to see it all.

I reached my place of stay. Told my relatives all about how I was back to do some solo chilling. Then, I took a long long shower, wore my vacation shirt, packed my bag with an umbrella, shades, earphones and a book and set out for my solo day out in SoBo (South Bombay).

Took an auto to Khar. Took a moment to register how their were coins in my wallet after 2 auto rides. Bought another 10 rupee ticket and set out towards Churchgate. I got down at marine lines. I climbed the stairs and as I walked on the foot over bridge, I saw it. There it was. The sea in its full glory.

From then on, for pretty much the rest of the day, all I did was walk. I walked by the sea. I sat by the sea. I stared at buildings. I noticed the face of the person, I crossed the zebra crossing with. I clicked pictures. I wrote mushy captions. I told my favorite people about just how happy I was. It was all so good. And then it go better.

It started to rain. I took out my umbrella, like a pro, and continued to walk. I moved on instinct. Suddenly, it started to pour and I took shelter under a shade and watched the rain. Oh, what beauty. The old buildings of Kala ghoda, the streets of Bombay and rain.

As I stood there, thinking about what I should do next, a sense of familiarity dawned upon me. I was near a cafe I had been to before and was also extremely special for me. I enquired with a guy standing next to me about the cafe and he told me that it was right at the corner of the street.

While walking, I had been hoping to go to a place which serves beer and good food. It was a lazy afternoon for me and a beer just felt right. And, that is exactly what my instincts led me to. My instincts led me to a Parsi cafe which served alcohol. Damn. I won’t say my day was perfect. Rather I think perfection defined my day.

I sat at the cafe. Alone. With a beer and yum Parsi food. I plugged in my earphones and began to write. Write what? This post.

By the time I got out it was bright and sunny. As I continued walking, I came across art displayed outside an art gallery by an upcoming artist. He had used the local tickets with paint to depict different things. The artwork had my attention. For me it spoke of Bombay and distances travelled. I had a short conversation with the artist. I told him how I loved his idea of using the tickets. And, it felt good.

I spent the rest of the day walking, hopping from one place to another, drinking, eating and laughing with a friend. My day one in Bombay speller contentment for me and my 24 year self had learnt some very important things about herself by the end of the day.

I started my second day with breakfast  facing the marine drive, a space which  defines Bombay. Post that, I hopped on a train and headed back to SantaCruz. The rest of the day was spent with family, eating, talking and laughing. Eating to an extent where I had to pop in pills by the end of the day. Family time was also coupled with solo bookstore and walking time. I had found my balance and I had found it on my very own two feet.

My third and last day began with a realisation, that at some point in your life it is essential that we do what we do during our routine phases of life for leisure. A year back when I was in Bombay for my post graduation, I would frequently take a bus back from where my relatives lived to go back to campus. Back then waiting for the bus, riding the bus felt like such a task. However, this time around I decided to do it for fun, to reminisce the old times and I cannot begin to explain how calming my relaxed demeanor was. I stood at the bus stop for an hour, staring at trees and buildings, smiling. Even after an hour when the bus didn’t show, I simply took an auto without any feeling of irritation.

College is special for me. And, visiting it this time was equally special. However, I realised that it was not my highlight for this trip. Why? Because this trip was not about nostalgia for me. It was about defining a lot of things for myself. It was about new experiences. It was about asserting that there are somethings which will always take precedence for me. And that no one can take that away from me.

After a few hours on campus, I took a cab to SoBo and spent the next three to four hours at a beautiful cafe, facing the sea, reading my book, alone in peace.

My last few hours in Bombay were defined by people. People who are very dear to me. While with one it was about realising how important it is to keep going in our lives by striving towards newness, with another it was about simplifying our lives and being true towards how we feel.

I began writing about this trip at the cafe. But couldn’t finish it. I tried to complete it again at home, but couldn’t finish it. Today, as I finish writing this post, I realise it has taken me more than a month to do this. But I also realise just how fresh that trip is in my mind. And how it has defined my life ever since I have come back.

Bombay, 2017, will always be a cherished memory for me. It has brought back and lead me to a lot of things in life for which I will eternally be grateful. Thank you, Bombay. For me, you are not an escape. You are an assertion. An assertion which was much needed for me as I completed yet another year of my life.

Thank you.




With my pretty little Galway girl..

Playlist 7

Weeks and weeks of wanting to write. Wanting to write about lazy afternoons with my mother and my grandmother. Wanting to write about how there are fleeting moments of realization that those afternoons are a memory now.

Weeks and weeks of wanting to write about how a movie and it’s songs are my pills of enthusiasm.

Weeks and weeks of wanting to write about the lead singer of my favorite band passing away. Wanting to write about how Chester’s tribute to Chris Cornell reminded me of a time when conversations with friends were about how if ever anyone of us passed away, life would be a possibility, a possibility difficult to imagine.

Weeks and weeks of wanting to write poetry. A poetry not written with an intention to hide, but with an intent to appreciate.

Weeks and weeks of trying not to forget how to heal. Weeks and weeks of knowing that I have to get back.

Weeks and weeks have passed and I am back. Back to healing. Back to being in a space where candles illuminate the sky and lamps cast shadows on the wall. Where friends occupy the couch in your house. Where you wake up and wear your holiday shirt. Where Ed Sheeran sings ‘Galway girl’ and your speaker starts working that very moment. Where you dance, laugh and grow stronger.

Today’s writing, flow of music, the space I am in, is nothing short of bizarre (I am certain you will agree after listening to that playlist). But it is a bizarre I want to express gratitude for. Gratitude, a word, I don’t hover over much, but a word today I delve in.

Gratitude for having found the space this blog gives me. Gratitude for comfort which comes to me in the form of writing, music and spaces.

Just a few days back, a friend and I were talking about how, we don’t have a vision for what our life should look like. While some people have that vision, some people like us don’t. It is strange that just a few days after the conversation, I find myself being a fence hopper. Today, I have a vision or rather a resolve I know I will fulfill. It is this resolve of achieving my fifty’s. Of living my fifty’s. Thoroughly. To have not one but multiple visions to look back upon.

Look into my eyes and you will see, what you do to me.

Playlist 2

Do you ever wish to be a part of something big? Tonight, I do.

I am sitting on my couch listening to music and guess who played? Bryan Adams. Aah! He sang “Look in to my eyes..” and I had a smile.  I truly believe nobody has sung or spoken those lines with such sincerity till date. And probably, no one ever will.

The next song that played was Heaven. What played was a live performance by Adams at Wembley stadium and it began with a crowd singing the first few lines of Heaven, together in perfect unison. And that is when I knew. Someday I wish to be a part of a crowd, singing Heaven together or for that matter any song, and know that I am a part of something big. A place where several unite and it is for something as beautiful as singing a few verses together and in that moment experiencing the warmth and love, we wish ourselves to be capable of as a species.

Someday I wish to be a part of something big and while being present among a thousand or more, feel significant and mesmerized.

Be there standing amidst a thousand other people, singing the words and looking into the eyes of the artist, singing and smiling, letting him/her know, that he/she got through. He/she made me feel through his song, what he/she felt in that moment and we connected.

And maybe it was not even about him/her knowing, but just me knowing that you can connect with people over a melody and in that moment experience a sense of joy that no one can ever dispute.

I am an idealist today. I am an idealist today because I know it was a good day for the the city I live in. That is a whole lot to believe in, but, today I do. The air was fresher and the smiles were broader. I don’t think it was just what I saw or felt. While my every other day is an auto driver, who never listens, today was someone, who understood. While my everyday is people wanting to get done with the day, today was a day , they did not want should end. Today was a day when I met a young boy at a traffic signal who sold flowers and offered me a mango while enjoying one himself.

Today was a better day and I truly believe it was because all of somewhere gave into something bigger to experience peace and joy. All of us came together under a blue cloudy sky, on a rainy day.

All of us became a part of something big and probably sang a song, in perfect unison.